


I Love You

by purgatoan



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Episode: s12e12 Stuck In The Middle (With You), Gen, Mentions of Death, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-17
Updated: 2017-02-17
Packaged: 2018-09-25 02:16:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9798098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purgatoan/pseuds/purgatoan
Summary: A part of the episode 12x12 In The Middle (With You) from Castiel’s POV.Lyrics (Something Stupid by Nancy Sinatra) are italised.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you're going to like this one!

First thing I saw as I parked in front of the diner was the Impala. Black beauty was always near Sam and Dean, I guess I could say it was a kind of their trademark. I knew they considered it home more than the Bunker and I had to say that I was beginning to felt this way as well. It brought comfort to see that car, but it was even more soothing to see her owners.

Sam and Dean got out of the car and I followed suit, walking toward them and greeting them. Unfortunately, I didn’t come carrying good news, but I hoped I could help in any way that I could.

_ I know I stand in line, _ __  
_ until you think you have the time _ _  
_ __ to spend an evening with me.

When Sam and Dean called me to come and meet them, because Mary needed help I wasn’t sure what to think. I didn’t have any leads on Kelly and I was convinced I wouldn’t be of use to them, but it seemed like they wanted me to come with them. That was surely flattering, to feel like I was needed, important.

__  
_ And if we go someplace to dance, _ __  
_ I know that there's a chance _ _  
_ __ you won't be leaving with me

After they explained what was going on and introduced me to Mary’s new friend, we started to come up with a plan. We fell into patterns easily and I was relieved to see that we worked well together, and that we cooperated smoothly like never before. I believe it said something about our relations and it seemed like they finally understood why I put myself in the line of fire for them.

_ And afterwards we drop into a quiet little place _ _  
_ _ And have a drink or two _

I still couldn’t forgive them for the fact that they didn’t let me know what happened to Dean on the last hunt, but I understood their need to protect me. I knew they didn’t want to put more burden onto my shoulders, but, the truth is, I’d carry all the burden if it was linked to the Winchesters in any way, if only it could make their lives easier.

  
_ and then I go and spoil it all _ __  
_ by saying something stupid _ _  
_ __ like: "I love you"

They were my whole life. My family. My everything. It wasn’t an exaggeration to say that I had nothing but them. My siblings turned away from me, like I was impure and dirty for simply caring about people. And why? Because they thought they were better, even if it wasn’t true. People were better. Yes, that’s right, because, even if they messed up they usually tried to make it right, to fix it somehow, but angels would do nothing, only brush it off as destiny or something that was supposed to happen anyway. It was unacceptable.   
  
_ I can see it in your eyes _ __  
_ that you despise the same old lies _ _  
_ __ you heard the night before.

That’s why the Winchesters were everything for me. They knew I was just as flawed and damaged as all the other mindless soldiers, but they still chose to trust me and help me understand what was important. They accepted me fully, no matter what I did, what I said, or how I acted. They knew all my flaws, but that didn’t stop them from inviting me to their family and keeping me there, even if I thought I was no good for them. I’m certain I would never be able to repay the favor.

  
_ And though it's just a line to you _ __  
_ for me it's true _ _  
_ __ and never seemed so right before

They included me in the plan to take care of that demon, even though I felt like it was my fault, like a lot of things, horrible things happened because of me, They trusted me to have their backs and it felt like an honour to do so. Only, I brought them nothing but trouble.    
  
_ I practice every day _ __  
_ to find some clever lines to say _ _  
_ __ to make the meaning come through

Of course, I had to put myself in danger while saving Mary from getting hurt. I had to put them at risk because of that and they were so stupid and stubborn that they refused to leave me, even when I knew it was reasonable. I wouldn’t be the reason for their death. I couldn’t be the reason as to why they would leave this earth. I could die, but them? Never. I wouldn’t let that happen.

  
_ But then I think I'll wait _ __  
_ until the evening gets late _ __  
__ and I'm alone with you   
  
I begged them to go, I begged them to let me do one last thing for them. Everything hurt, nothing could compare to the pain I’ve felt, but I only wanted them to be safe. I would do everything, I could take anything, just to know nothing would harm them. However, what did I expect from the Winchesters? They always did the exact opposite of what would be reasonable.

_ The time is right _ __  
_ your perfume fills my head _ __  
_ the stars get red _ _  
_ __ and oh, the night's so blue.

And I couldn’t hold back anymore. I hoped they knew how much they meant to me, but I needed to say it one more time. Just once. They had to know, in case they didn’t realise how precious they became to me. How much I loved them and how much I didn’t want to leave them. If I had the heart, I knew it would break in half under the influence of all the feelings flowing through me.

  
_ And then I go and spoil it all, _ __  
_ by saying something stupid _ __  
__ like: "I love you"   
  
I told them everything, or at least as much as I could, because I knew I didn’t have much time if they wanted to get away as soon as possible. I knew thank you didn't cut it, but that’s what popped into my mind first. Frankly, it quite fit. If it weren’t for Sam and Dean I wouldn’t have become myself. I would still be a spineless, mindless and obedient soldier that followed all orders blindly and never, not even once, tried to do something differently. They saved me in all the ways possible. 

  
_ The time is right _ __  
_ your perfume fills my head _ __  
_ the stars get red _ _  
_ __ and oh, the night's so blue

The truth is, those years I’ve spent with them were the best years of my life. I learned how to live, love, and care about others and I would forever be grateful for that. At least, I hoped that would happen after I would cease to exist. I wonder where angels went after they died? Did they just vanish or was there a place for them somewhere? But, again, I didn’t think I belonged anywhere, but with Sam and Dean and if their hearts were the only places I’d stay in, I’d die happily with that thought in my mind.

__  
_ And then I go and spoil it all _ __  
_ by saying something stupid _ _  
_ __ like: "I love you"

I never understood the concept of love, it seemed futile when I was only an angel, but I knew what love was in that moment. Love meant wanting others to be safe and well and willing to do everything to make that happen, even if the final price was sacrificing yourself. I said once   that I’d happily bleed for the Winchesters and that was truth, it never changed.

_  
_ _ "I love you" _

It meant that your whole being ached, because it couldn’t handle the fact that you wouldn’t see the people most important to you anymore. That you wouldn’t be able to watch them smile, laugh, be happy. That you would lose all the beauty and purpose, but at least you’d grant them life. And that was the most important thing and definitely worth dying for.

  
_ "I love you" _

I didn’t hesitate to say I loved them, even though I wasn’t sure how they would take it. I didn’t want to break their hearts even more, but I had to say it. I couldn’t keep it bottled up anymore, they had to know.

  
_ "I love you" _

I just wished the circumstances were different.

  
_ "I love you" _


End file.
